Story, Value, and Becoming More Real
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Remembering His Grace

January 20, 2025

Jessica Mathisen

It’s a Wednesday afternoon, and I’m struggling to find the good, the joyful, and the true. It is only the half-way point of the week, and already the days held much anguish and confusion on my motherhood journey, and I’m feeling especially tender. I pick my little one up from school, ready to run a few errands with my buddy before we head to the next carline. Within minutes, it is apparent that my little love is not happy and begins to have a tantrum in the car seat. This little one wiggles out of the car seat straps, even after my firm admonishments. 

I pull off into a neighborhood, put on the hazard lights, slam my door shut, and stomp over to the passenger side of my minivan. My heart pounds within me, my brow is furrowed, and my mind begins to spiral with questions, doubts, and fears.

Why can’t I catch a break? 

Will my children always defy me at every turn? 

What if it’s always this hard?

A huge SUV pulls up beside me and into the driveway of an immaculate home. The driver of the SUV exits the vehicle and greets a young teen boy. This driver, a fellow mom, presumably, begins walking toward me down her driveway.

“Do you need a snack? Are you ok?”

“No, we’re just having a moment,” I reassure her while also attempting to reassure myself. 

We’re fine, right? 

I think we are. 

I hope we are. 

I want to be.

“It was so bad you had to pull off to the side of the road, huh?”

“Yep, it was that bad.” 

I cringe inside, desperately trying to find some semblance of calm while my insides quake. 

She approaches us, speaking sweetly to me and my child. She doesn’t judge or ask us to move away from her home. Instead, she enters into my child’s frustrations with gentle questions and then turns to me.

She looks me in the eyes and says, “You’re doing great, Mom,” and then, “Look at mine now,” nodding toward her man-child. “We make it through these days!” she says with a smile as she walks back up the driveway.

I nearly started crying. The prior twenty-four hours held much heartache and humbling in the motherhood arena of my life. I felt insecure and lost, wondering if I would ever figure out how to meet my children’s needs and speak their language. I constantly question if I’m doing it right or if I’m somehow failing my children. I beg God for wisdom, a pleasant disposition, and supernatural patience. I want to be calm, cool, and collected. Instead, I felt disappointed, despairing, and distressed. 

I don’t know how to avoid getting on the emotional rollercoaster with my children. All I know is that once I’m on, I want to get off. My heart walks around in the bodies of three little ones who call me “Mom,” and each day the Lord reminds me of the power I hold within my countenance, conversations, and compassion with and for each of them. 

Yet in the middle of a meltdown (a child’s and my own), God reminded me of His grace and kindness. I’m learning how to get off the rollercoaster by calming myself down and whispering His name. I’m growing in my dependence on Him.

I don’t know the woman’s name, but she reminded me of the truth in the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short.” And most of all, on a day when I needed and asked for encouragement from the Spirit, He showed me He cares for me, He sees, and He knows. And that’s enough for it all. He’s enough for me. Always. 



The featured image, “Sunburst Through Mist,” is courtesy of Lancia E. Smith and is used with her glad permission for Cultivating.



 

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