From a Rock to a Birch

Cultivating Identity is dedicated to exploring the elements that contribute to each person’s sense of identity, including story, song, art, community, Creation, Scripture and more. How do these experiences influence us and help shape who we are becoming? Courage is required to examine our own hearts, so in this column we will embark on this journey together and encourage one another along the way. 

I used to be proud of my fortitude. I was strong; I didn’t need relationships the way “weaker” people did. Paul Simon’s words resonated with me:

“I’ve built walls
A fortress, deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship

Friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock

I am an island” [1]

I was a rock, an island. But my impenetrable facade hid a fragile heart. I thought I didn’t need anyone, but I had deceived myself with a false notion of fortitude. The walls I built to keep the world out were actually a self-constructed prison trapping me inside, away from the light. Fortitude is not a fortress able to withstand any assault; it is an open door and a warm hearth, a birch that can bend with the roaring tempest and remain deeply rooted without snapping.

How did I learn this lesson? Gradually, through obedience. Five or six years ago the Lord prompted me to make an effort toward building friendships. Although I believed I did not need friends, I wanted to obey God, and I was willing to believe that maybe He was right, maybe He knew better than me and there was something I needed without realizing it.

I started by learning to be a friend. I invited someone to coffee, started attending social events even though they held no appeal for me, and practiced “small talk” (which I still despise: if we’re going to talk, let’s talk about things that matter). As I got to know people more than superficially, I learned some things:

• Relationships are inconvenient. I had to start making personal sacrifices.
• People can have annoying qualities and hearts of gold.
• I might have some annoying qualities …
• All relationships need cultivation.
• There are some relationships that are just magic, like an extra helping of dessert from God’s banquet table.

That last one is the lesson that surprised me the most. I had not expected to find myself enjoying having friends! Still more surprising, as time goes on I find I actually need people. Not that I am unable to function without others; rather, my independent life was like a blank coloring page. The structure was there; the image was discernible. But it lacked the fullness of beauty that comes from the interweaving of colors that overlap and complement each other. You and I can purchase the same coloring book and flip to the same page and see identical images, but once we’ve both colored them in, they will not be at all similar. 

My mistaken concept of myself reminds me of a story I heard about a wrestler who, before each wrestling match, would take a Bible and rub it all over his body. A teammate asked him, “Dude, what are you doing?” He responded, “I want the power of God on me!” [2] This young man’s misunderstanding of God’s power, while humorous, was the same as my own. We cannot engage with God’s power by rubbing the Bible on our bodies; we must enter into relationship with its Author. When we open the pages of God’s Word, we encounter Him there. As we prayerfully meditate on the Scriptures, we understand more and more of who God is, and who we are to Him, and we are transformed into the likeness of the One we learn to love. But that power will remain ineffective in our lives if we do not take the next step of engaging with the people He loves.

There is a risk in loving; we may get hurt. In fact, we will get hurt. If you work a muscle, its fibers tear and ache, but it will rebuild itself to become stronger.

The next time you work it, you will apply more weight to tear the fibers again, and again, repeating the cycle to achieve maximum strength. This is also how fortitude is built. We do not start at the finish line; we travail through struggle after struggle, gradually building resilience and strength until we can withstand pressure without being destroyed.

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” [3]

Fortitude isn’t threatened by relationships, no matter how difficult. True fortitude can only flourish in the context of a life lived in relationship. As I learn about how fortitude is built, I begin to understand how weak I truly am, but also how worthwhile the effort is to grow stronger. It isn’t about me becoming a better person. It’s about living a life that is more worthwhile because I get to love so many amazing, quirky, interesting, and genuine people. There is a richness and beauty to life I never understood when I was a rock.

Endnotes
[1] Paul Simon, “I Am a Rock,” 1965.
[2] Rick Holland, ACBC National Conference, October 2023.
[3] 2 Corinthians 4:7–10 NASB95

The featured image, “Fairy Mushrooms,” is courtesy of Lancia E. Smith and is used with her glad permission for Cultivating.

Athena Williams

Athena Williams is honored to serve as the Director of Online Publication for Cultivating Magazine. She is currently working towards a master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling through Liberty University online. Athena considers writing a privilege and a wonder, and hopes her work will encourage each reader to lean in to the shaping work of God. athenawrites.com

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